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The Engagement We've All Been Waiting For

Fri, 13 Aug 2010 00:30:00 GMT

So it's official: Prince Albert--"His Serene Highness" of the Principality of Monaco--is finally giving up his long, LONG cherished bachelorhood and tying the knot with a tall, blond, South African swimmer named Charlene Wittstock. (And, yes--Charlene is a girl.)

"Welcome to Fantasy Island!"

The two will marry some time in 2011, according to reports.

Now, it may just be me, but if I were a healthy, relatively attractive, multi-gazillionaire and--most importantly--HETEROSEXUAL prince, I don't think I would have had that much difficulty selecting a bride. I mean, I would have assumed that there were plenty of attractive women chomping at the bit to become the new Grace Kelly, and that a Monagasque prince, such as His Serene Highness Albert, would have been able to pick practically any woman who struck his fancy.

And yet, here he is, a 52-year-old first-time fiancé. Puzzling, n'est-ce pas?

Now granted, Charlene is a very pretty, very slender, very blond young woman, with good breeding and athletic arms. Exactly the kind of girl I would have wanted to date when I was in high school.

I'm just saying.

All the same, I wish Crown-Prince Albert and his soon-to-be Crown-Princess Charlene all the best and many happy returns.

But if Albert starts making excuses like he "needs to study for his big exam in the morning" or he "can't have sex tonight because he already has plans to watch the Golden Girls," well, the good people of Monaco may just need to move on to Plan B--crowning Andrea Casiraghi, Princess Caroline's eldest son, as supreme ruler of Monaco.

"The name's Casiraghi--Andrea Casiraghi."

A very hot idea, if you ask me.

My Brush with (Vice) Royalty

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 20:40:00 GMT

So here's the difference for me between Canada and the United States.

In the United States, I am one of several hundred million people. Just one of the common masses, you might say. The chances of my meeting the President or being invited to the White House any time soon? Nil. I knew someone once who was invited to the White House (by George W. Bush, no less), but he and I aren't even friends anymore. (Me and the guy who got invited to the White House, I mean, not George W., who I never really was friends with, to say the least.)

But in Canada, you see, I am part of the elite, a member of the socially privileged class, practically an aristocrat. Case in point--my connection to the incoming Governor-General, the prolific author and widely-respected legal scholar, David Johnston.

I love books so much, sometimes I just hang out in the stacks at the library. Cheerioh!

Professor Johnston taught law at McGill University a number of years ago when I was a student there. I remember one occasion in particular when I met with him in his office because I was applying to another university where he had studied years before. He was jovial, inquisitive, and very down to earth. We talked about his experience at that other university I was applying to and how it prepared him for what he was now doing at McGill; we also chatted about what it was like hosting The Editors, a weekly show about current U.S.-Canadian events that he hosted and which aired on PBS back in the day.

(Incidentally, another participant from that show who went on to a fair amount of fame himself--although not necessarily for the right reasons--was former Vermont Governor Howard Dean, whom I remember most for his clarity of thought and level-headedness as a contributor to The Editors. So ironic.)

Aaaaarrrggghh!

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting that his Excellency, David Johnston, will be inviting me to Rideau Hall (the luxurious mansion where the Governor General and his spouse will reside) next week or even the week after; I mean, first of all, he doesn't actually take office until October 1 of this year, so he can't invite me at least until then; plus he doesn't have my current mailing address.

All I'm saying is, I'm a lot closer to the pinnacle of society here in Canada then I ever will be in the U.S. because, at the end of the day, Canada is about one tenth the size of its giant neighbor to the south, so it's easier to know more people here in Canada and, as a result, reaching the "top" here is just a much easier climb.

Next stop--Buckingham Palace.

Croquet, anyone?

My "Toronto Pride" Cup Runneth Over

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 09:25:00 GMT

I have been in Toronto, Canada for the past three weeks, and tonight was the culmination of this city's "Pride" festival, which celebrates Toronto's LGBT community. This year's celebration was actually the city's 30th.

And what a celebration it was. I can't tell you how many times I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming--it was almost too much happiness to handle! I have never seen anything like it anywhere before--an all-out party, but infused with total warmth and peace. No fights, no drama; just people having fun and being themselves. Even the buses were decked out with Pride messages:

Did you know certain buses are just born gay?

The parade, which went on for hours and basically took over Yonge Street (Toronto's equivalent of Broadway), featured your perennial muscle boys:

Hey you! Why don't you come over here and open up my Guaranteed Investment Certificate? It pays 9 1/2 %!

But there was also a military presence in the parade. I personally saw a gay marching band from a Canadian military base, and I heard about a contingent of actual gay soldiers marching too:

We're looking for a few good men. (Preferably with their shirts off.)

Even some of the dogs got in on the action:

I like it "ruff."

Does this boa make me look fat?

All in all, it was yet another reminder that this country of my birth, which I have been away from for almost 9 years, is CRAZY progressive. It almost makes me wonder why I ever left in the first place. (Oh yeah, 'cause I was a conservative closet-case back then.)

So in closing, here is the acronym I came up with for PRIDE:

P is for the parade, which blew every other parade I have ever seen clear out of the water;

R is for the ripped bodies grinding on the dance floors all weekend long;

I is the for the insanity that was the corner of Church and Wellesley Streets (the epicenter of Toronto Gaydom);

D is for the drag queens who kept the crowds entertained for hours on end;

and finally

E is for the excitement I felt to be a part of this grand celebration of inclusion, self-expression, and love.

Happy Pride everyone!

A Financially Sound Crush

Sun, 13 Jun 2010 21:50:00 GMT

Is it weird that I have a crush on the current Governor of the Bank of Canada. Mark Carney?

I mean, look at him:

He's hot, right? In that bookish, slightly-older, intellectual hunk way. Like Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia:

"I can't sing for s%$#, but I look pretty hot in linen!"

It's like, you could meet at the Met to check out the latest exhibit, then have a conversation about the causes of the fall of the Weimar Republic, and then have really, REALLY hot sex.

I mean, I'd much rather do those things with him then any other of the world's major central bankers:

(L-R) Bank of Canada Governor Mark Carney, Bank of France Governor Christian Noyer, German Bundesbank President Axel Weber, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, Bank of Italy Governor Mario Draghi, Bank of Japan Governor Masaaki Shirakawa, Bank of England Governor Mervyn King, European Central Bank President Jean-Claude Trichet, IMF Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund Dominique Strauss-Kahn and World Bank President Robert Zoellick (in back). (Stephen Jaffe/International Monetary Fund via Getty Images)

No offense to any of them; I'm sure Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke is a wonderful conversationalist, and Bank of France Governor Christian Noyer probably knows tons about wine. But frankly, I'm just not that into them. As for Bank of England Governor Mervyn King, putting aside the fact that he looks like Barney Frank, I just would never sleep with someone named "Merv."

"Although I didn't get laid much at uni, I now control Britain's monetary mass. Cheerio!"

Now, you may be wondering: what makes me think that Governor Carney would sleep with me? Well, first of all, who cares? It's just a little crush; I'm daydreaming aloud. So relax. That said, check out the way he holds a coffee cup:

I'm just saying.

Separated at Birth?

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 02:35:00 GMT

Liza Frulla Janice Dickinson
(former Minister of (former supermodel)
Canadian Heritage)

I guess the more work you have done, the more you begin to resemble Janice Dickinson. Or former Minister of Canadian Heritage, Liza Frulla. Whichever. (I think the take away is--don't have plastic surgery.)

My Burgeoning Career

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:45:00 GMT

This past weekend, I did a little cabaret show at a restaurant called VYNL in the Chelsea area of New York City, and in the opening act, as a joke, I sang a bit of "It Sucks to Be Me," the song from the Broadway musical, Avenue Q. The lyrics go like this:

When I was little,
I thought I would be
A big comedian
On late night TV.
But now I'm thirty-two
And, as you can see,
I'm not.
Oh well,
It sucks to be me.

It was hilarious and all, but it got me to thinking. The fact is, in the last couple of years, I have embarked on a new career as an artist, which is one of the most difficult careers I can think of, and I am in my mid-thirties—the exact age at which so many of my friends and peers, it seems, are hitting their respective strides in their respective careers.

For example, I was out just last night having a drink with a friend who is a pretty well-known Canadian journalist. His most recent career challenge? Figuring out how best to justify his hefty 2010 salary increase. (Don’t worry; it worked out just fine. His lawyer did the negotiating.)

Then there is my friend Russ who feels—as he has put it himself—“work just really isn’t for me.” I recently heard from a mutual friend that Russ has been working for a multinational IT company on projects that required him to travel to Tokyo, Paris, and Budapest. Sigh.

And then today, I was watching the Canadian cable news (I’m spending the holidays at my parents’ house in my hometown of Montreal, so give me a break). And who should I see, going on ever so articulately about the trial of Charles Taylor, the former president of Liberia, currently taking place in the Hague? None other than my old buddy Jeremy, who is evidently a big muckety-muck on the international legal scene now. This is him doing important things somewhere international.

Meanwhile, I just did a show at a restaurant.

I suppose the difference between these friends and me is that, unlike me, they have all been working at their chosen professions for years, whereas I really am starting from scratch, at least as an actor. (As some of you may know, I walked away from a seven-year career as a lawyer last year and enrolled in a full-time acting training program in New York.) And, no doubt about it, I'm having the time of my life in school right now, getting to live through all of these incredible artistic experiences I thought I never would. But no matter how you slice it, not knowing where your next pay check is going to come from is kind of scary.

I mean, what if all of this effort leads absolutely nowhere? What if I just don’t have what it takes? What if my hairline recedes before my big break?

But you just can’t think that way. I recently learned that Wassily Kandinsky walked away from a burgeoning and very lucrative career as a law professor in Russia at the age of 30 to study painting in Germany. And look how that turned out.

I bet Wassily had his moments of self-doubt too. Right? But he stuck with it, even when everyone around him thought he was nuts. And he enjoyed a full head of hair well into his later years.

OK, that does it—enough navel-gazing for today. It’s time to do my vocalization exercises.

And then maybe I’ll gorge myself on more holiday food.

You know, come to think of it, I really should get to the gym. But I don’t even have a gym membership where I am staying...

Maybe I’ll just in stay in bed today.

(You see? This is what happens when I have a break from school and nothing to do.)

Correct Me If I'm Wrong...

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:50:00 GMT

But isn't this the Baldwin that used to be really hot?

Billy Baldwin--the hot one, right?

Yeah, not so much anymore. I mean, check out the paunch!

(Which reminds, I better hit the gym soon. But first, more Chardonnay.)

Let's Talk About Colbert Talking to Wilson Talking About Celine

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 02:35:00 GMT

In this interview, Stephen Colbert discusses Carl Wilson's book Let's Talk About Love: A Journey to the End of Taste. While the title of the book may seem a little negative as regards Celine, the book, it turns out, is actually quite measured and objective. Of course, in the interview, Colbert is as eloquent and biting as ever, whereas Wilson looks like he just a did some meth in the green room to calm his nerves, and it didn't work.

To settle it, I think Colbert should have Celine on his show so that she can explain the mystery of her greatness.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Carl Wilson

comedycentral.com

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Political Humor

NASA Name Contest

Who's That Girl?

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 01:45:00 GMT

With the revival of Speed-the-Plow by Pulitzer-Prize winning playwright David Mamet about to hit the boards of the Barrymore Theater 20 years after its original Broadway production, I thought you might be interested to learn (or be reminded of) who originated the role of the ambitious secretary Karen in the play those oh-so-many moons ago.

Also, I'm not sure which is scarier--Leeza Gibbons's 1988 hair or Jennifer Beals's 1988 glasses.

Celine--The Movie

Fri, 30 May 2008 23:20:00 GMT

Oh.... my .... God.

I just found out that the CBC (the "Canadian Broadcasting Corporation" for those non-Canadians out there) produced an unauthorized bio-pic about Céline Dion's life last year. Here is the trailer:

I don't even know where to begin.

Watching this film is even more cringe-inducing than watching the real Céline Dion (which I sincerely did not think was possible). Seeing Enrico Colantoni (star of the NBC series "Just Shoot Me" and a graduate of the Yale Drama School, no less) playing René, Céline's grandfather-like manager/husband, made me feel sorry for the world. And the woman playing Céline looks like her delicate, slightly prettier second-cousin. If that cousin were from Lebanon. (Not even close, people.)

I have already started growing my hair out so that I can play Céline's son, René-Charles, in the sequel.

An "Only in New York" Moment

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:45:34 GMT

Yesterday, like most Sundays, I went to my Beginner's Jazz Dance class at the Broadway Dance Center because, in a nut shell, I like to keep it "butch."

(The guy on the right is not me. Although he's close.)

So, anyway, after my class, I've developed this sort of routine where I go straight to the Juice Generation on 9th Avenue, just north of West 45th, where I have a "Protein Buzz" shake with raspberries and an "Antioxidant" boost. (How's that for healthy?)

Now, in case you're not familiar with it (and you should be!), Juice Generation is kind of like an independent, mom-and-pop version of Jamba Juice, except much smaller and grittier. (The entire store is about 16 square feet, and it smells a lot like wheat grass.)

(This is not the Juice Generation on 9th and 45th. But it's similar.)

Anyhoo, I went about my little routine yesterday, as I do most Sundays, except this time, just as I was leaving the Juice Generation with my shake in hand, who should I see entering the 16-square-foot space, but none other than Frasier alumnus and Broadway divo, Mr. David Hyde Pierce!

(DHP headshot, circa 1987.)

Now, this is not as huge and cosmic a coincidence as it may appear at first glance. As much as I like to think there is such a thing as serendipity and fate, one can help these things along. And I did so, in this case, by sticking to the same routine every Sunday.

You see, DHP is currently starring as Lieutenant Frank Cioffi in what is (as far as I am concerned) an instant Broadway classic--Curtains, a fine show and, sadly, one of the final collaborations of the legendary musical theater writing team of Kander and Ebb.

"There's a special kind of people known as... Show People!"

Now, it just so happens that Curtains is playing at the Al Hirschfeld Theatre, on West 45th Street between 8th and 9th Avenues--basically around the corner from Juice Generation (and literally next door to my dance school). In fact, it's so close that I had already seen two other members of the cast in recent weeks, not to mention tons of stage crew, either at the Juice Generation or on my 1-minute stroll back to the subway on 8th Avenue after class.

As it turns out, my dance class happens to let out just as everyone in the show is arriving for their Sunday matinée. This obviously heightens, to a significant degree, the probability of bumping into a cast member of Curtains on any given Sunday, as they say, including Mr. Pierce, who is himself a member of that cast.

Nevertheless, I was pretty excited about the fact that I found myself buying a protein shake in the same little joint, and at the very same time, as a bona fide star of Broadway! (Not to mention TV and movies. Remember his supporting roles in Down With Love and Nixon? 'Nuff said.)

So I couldn't resist. I looked right at him and I said, "You know, I think I've seen just about every member of the cast of Curtains come in here at some point!" He smiled and said, "Well, we do have to fortify ourselves!" That's when I noticed he was wearing a blue denim jacket with a little Curtains logo on the front and a humongous Curtains logo on the back. So I said, "You know, I really loved the show. I even have the song Show People downloaded to my MP3 player, and I listen to it whenever I need to get motivated."

(Now, just as background, if you're not familiar with the show--and you should be!--the song Show People is a big show-stopper in which the entire ensemble, dressed to the nines, gets into line formation, while dancing and belting out a musical homage to the world of show business and, more specifically, to the sheer awesomeness of living the life of a performer. Ahhh! I get chills every time I hear it. AND it's funny! So suck it, Ben Brantley.)

Actual photo of Ben Brantley, New York Times theater critic and professional spreader-of-darkness.

Anyway, there I was, just letting DHP know that I often listened to the music from his show to get inspired, and that's when he made my day. He said, "Oh really? Are you in one of the shows, then?"

Beg your pardon? Was he asking if I was in one of the shows--one of the Broadway shows? Was he asking if... I was a Broadway actor? It took me a moment to process what he meant by that question... And I finally realized, yes, YES! David Hyde Pierce was asking me if I was in a Broadway show!

Holy crap.

I was speechless. And my heart was beating so hard, I thought it might explode.

After what seemed like ages, I finally managed to pull myself together, and I mumbled, "Well, uhm, no... not yet! But I'm trying!"

He smiled and wished me luck, and I wished him a broken leg for that day's matinée.

And with that, I dashed out the door with a Raspberry-Protein-Buzzed shake in my hand, and a major buzz in my head. (And it wasn't the antioxidants!)

Just another example of why I can't seem to give up my addiction to this crazy town we call New York.

Carla Bruni, Former Supermodel, Reduced to Wearing a Pill-Box Hat

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 04:32:28 GMT

Elizabeth: "Excuse me, miss, but I believe the other stewardess forgot my carry-on bag."
Carla: "Je m'excuse, your Majesty, but I am not a stewardess. I am the First Lady of France."
Elizabeth: "Oh, I see. Well, could you fetch my carry-on bag anyway?"

A Travel Vlog from San Francisco (Part III)

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 04:06:54 GMT

In this third, and final, installment, Darren and I present Fisherman's Wharf and Alcatraz prison (as well as demonstrate the importance of knowing at least a little actual information about the landmarks that you are supposed to be presenting).

A Travel Vlog from San Francisco (Part II)

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 09:36:15 GMT

The San Francisco adventure continues in this video log. Darren and I got brunch in the Castro, but we could not have prepared ourselves for what was in store. I'll let the video speak for itself. Enjoy.

A Travel Vlog from San Francisco (Part I)

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 07:34:50 GMT

Last weekend, I visited San Francisco for the first time. I flew out to L.A. on a Thursday night, where I met up with Darren (a boy from out there I'm seeing), and the next morning, we drove up the 101 from L.A. in his New Beetle convertible (nice!) to spend the weekend in San Fran.

It was a LOOOONG drive, but worth it in the end. It was my first time in Central California, and it was just gorgeous. We stopped for lunch in Wine Country, in a little town called Solvang, which is Danish for "Forest Hills, Queens, But Cuter, and with Mountains."

Darren and me, in front of a Danish bakery in Solvang, California. (Great coffee, Solvang!)

Look at those mountains! (But what's with me and the coffee?)

We finally got to San Francisco late Friday night. We had dinner in the Castro (aka, "Gayville") and didn't really start exploring the city until the next morning. But, oh, what a city it is--really steep hills, with a lot of Victorian-style, low-rise (or as I like to put it, non-"sky-rise") buildings, and evidently, very, very cold, damp weather in February, as you will see from this video log. (You will also see that, for some reason, I styled my hair that day like Gordon Gekko in the movie "Wall Street.")

Big time, girlfriend!

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 04:46:04 GMT

For those of you who think I made up or might have exaggerated the whole inappropriate "soul sister" thing that Celine does, check out this video. She actually turns to Sherri Shepherd (the young black woman on The View) at 1:08 and sings "Ooh-woo, girlfriend!" Then, at 7:01, in response to a question from Whoopi Goldberg (the older black woman on The View), Celine prefaces her answer by saying, "Well, listen, girl!"

I'm cringing. Big time, girlfriend.

Celine is Back!

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 01:56:20 GMT

I had to take a moment from my day to acknowledge the sheer immensity of Celine Dion's hair on her new CD cover:

Looks like that daily Pantene treatment is really paying off!

BEFORE AFTER

As you may know, I have a slight obsession with the French-Canadian chanteuse. And I must admit, her latest CD has not let me down. My two favorites, so far, are the first-released (and eponymous) single, "Taking Chances," whose video is another classic Celine trainwreck (check out the police cap and the heavy mascara, and then brace yourself for the "surprise" twist at the end--eat your heart out, Hitchcock!) and her cheese-tastic cover of Heart's "Alone." (The music box intro music kills me! And I especially love it when, in the making-of video, she says her "family grew up with Heart--dat kinda' music." Really, Celine? You and your sister Manon listened to Heart in 1980's Charlemagne, Quebec?)

And if you haven't seen this You Tube video that someone created by cleverly editing clips of Celine's recent "behind-the-scenes" DVD--you're welcome. (It's happens to be a great example of what I mean when I say that Celine writes my material herself!)

A Hot Christmas

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 11:16:29 GMT

This year, I spent Christmas (aka "Tuesday" to us Jews) in Los Angeles. Here is a picture of the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel--the hotel in Beverly Hills where Julia Roberts stayed in "Pretty Woman"--as I whiz past it:

This is me ordering breakfast at the "counter" downstairs at yet another iconic L.A. location--the Beverly Hills Hotel:

(You can't see them in this picture, but just off to my right, there were these two middle-aged guys with thick Eastern European accents and unwieldy hair doing a movie deal. I swear. Here is an idea of what they looked like.)

And this is my date, Darren, behind the wheel of his convertible, just as we are driving past Rodeo Drive on a perfectly sunny, Beverly Hills afternoon.

Told you it was a hot Christmas.

Oatmeal Cookies Are Delicious, But Gay

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 06:28:13 GMT

Yesterday, I woke up feeling very "Martha Stewart," so I decided to spend all afternoon making a batch of four dozen oatmeal-raisin cookies from scratch.

Do you think straight guys ever do things like that?

I rest my case.

A Prince and His Queen: Today vs. 1969

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 21:35:38 GMT

So you may have heard this morning that Charles O. Prince III was ousted as Chairman of Citigroup yesterday. Here is a picture of Prince, with his queen, Skadden, Arps attorney Peggy Wolff, at some black-tie event in New York City, back in the happier days of 2006.

So blah.

Now here is a picture of Prince Charles and his queen, Elizabeth II, circa 1969.

I mean, look at those fabrics! Those hair-dos! That weird, pointy thing sticking out of Prince Charles's breast pocket!

When it comes to style, there's just no comparison—1969 rules.